INSTRUMENTAL Piano intro is from Take Me, Puppet Mistress, then Paradise, Ballad of John Archer, Hungry for Your Your Love, I Hate You Mom, Take Me Puppet Mistress, Never Really Knew What It Meant.

We’re loyal Pirate clones We’ll be Clones until we die We drink a lot and party a lot Ain’t nothin’ we won’t try No matter how far we roam We’re never far from home Were the Clones of Califon-I-A Pirate Clones until the day that we die MALE CLONE #2 (spoken) Don’t be dumb; be a smarty Come and join our Pirate Party Doesn’t matter if you’re straight or queer As long as you’re a buccaneer (All resume singing) We’re loyal Pirate clones We’ll be Clones until we die We drink a lot and drug a lot Our brains we often fry We’re a happy band of Clones No matter where we roam We’re the Clones of Californ-I-A Loyal Clones until the day that we die MALE CLONE #2 (spoken) Shiver me timbers, ain’t we jolly, Let’s all have another hit of molly Say, what’s a pirate’s favorite letter in the alphabet? MALE CLONE #2 It must be Argggggh? MALE CLONE #2 Nope! FEMALE CLONE #2 What then? MALE CLONE #2 A pirates favorite letter is The C (sea) (all resume singing) No matter how far we roam We’re never far from home Were the Clones of Califon-I-A Pirate Clones until the day that we die (all break into dance as two more choruses play) No matter how far we roam We’re never far from home Were the Clones of Califon-I-A Pirate Clones until that we die

I had a dream you’d be waiting here for me Just waiting for me to grow to fit you so perfectly I could spend the rest of my life Just gazing in your eyes So it seems like such a shame that I may never get to enter Your truly too perfect paradise I should have known It’s so very plain to see I thought I was meant for you But maybe you aren't meant for me I wanna spend the rest of my life With you here by my side So it seems like such a shame that I may never get to enter Your truly too perfect paradise Throughout all my lonely years I wanted someone like you to come along and wipe away all my Heartaches and tears I should have known It’s so very plain to see That I was not meant for you And you weren't meant for me I'll never spend a single day With you here by my side So it seems like such a shame that I may never get to enter Your truly too perfect paradise

Hungry, I am so hungry Lord, I am so hungry Baby, I’m so hungry Hungry for your love Darling Phoebe,` Why is it you don’t need me? Even though I am so hungry, Hungry for your love It’s been so long since my last meal I could eat a horse But if I could have just a taste of your sweet love I’d make you my main course Phoebe baby, honey pie For your sweet love I’d surely die Babe, I’m so in love with you I’d do anything you want me to Cause I am so hungry Lord, I am so hungry Baby I’m so hungry Hungry for your love It’s been so long since my last bite I could make a meal of you But I know you’ll never care for me What’s a poor girl gonna do? Cause I am so hungry Lord, I am so hungry Baby, I’m so hungry Hungry for your love

(WIGGY and SKY bring two chairs together WIGGY opens the laptop as the lighting fades slowly to black when the lights come up. PHOEBE enters stage left into Room 42, a large room decorated with a mural depicting the Beat Poets, Allen Ginsberg, Jack Kerouac. and Neal Cassady, as the Holy Trinity. The only furniture in the room is a chair next to an end table, downstage right. On the stand is a laptop with computer speakers. PHOEBE walks to the laptop and engages the mousepad.while a minor key dirge-like music begins playing. PHOEBE begins dancing and gyrates as if HER wrists, elbows, and shoulders are being pulled by a puppeteer. After dancing one verse, PHOEBE begins singing.) PHOEBE Take me, Puppet Mistress, take me if you will We’ll soon reach the final curtain, We’ll soon face the final kill Take me, Puppet Mistress, take me on my final ride Lead me to my ultimate fate, I need you by my side Darkness crowns the face of the moon All the stars have abandoned the sky Humanity’s time has come and gone And now it’s only you, and I So take me, Puppet Mistress, take me if you please An apocalyptic vision, that’s all my eyes can see BRIDGE Can’t you see we’ve reached the final curtain? Seven angelic trumpeters sound the fate of which I’m certain Take me, Puppet Mistress; take me if you can. Don’t you see the life we live just isn’t worth a damn So take me, Puppet Mistress, take me if you please Take me, oh please take me, I’m begging on my knees BRIDGE Take me, Puppet Mistress, take me into your womb Cradle me until I am born again into an existence free of doom (INSTRUMENTAL VERSE) Take me, Puppet Mistress; take me if you can. I will do just as you say; your wish is my command (picks up an object) Take me, just take me, and I won’t ask you why. Just take me, Puppet Mistress, take me as I die (plunges object into her chest and collapses on the floor)

Fantasy Ship To the Planet Advemosis in the galaxy Veztane You took me for a fantasy ride through a cosmic hurricane Yeah you got a knack for words It’s the truth that gets in your way And now you got me so far out A billion light years away Honey, why you have to go and write this script And take me along for a ride on your Fantasy Ship My heart is torn My soul is stripped Cause you took me along for a ride On your Fantasy Ship On the Planet Advemosis ‘Neath the jagged rock terrain I’m lost amidst a cold, black void Hoping to return again Gasping for my last breath of hope And vowing to return To your chamber of undying lust But barely clinging on Honey, why you have to go and write this script And take me along for a ride on your Fantasy Ship My heart is torn My soul is stripped Cause you took me along for a ride On your Fantasy Ship Bridge Fantasy trip or am I dreaming I wake up in the middle of the night Your name I’m screaming So go ahead and write your story Your sci-fi fantasy But the way I’m ending my last verse It’s just a simple tragedy Don’t you know my soul is real I’m not a character in your play And if you don’t land back on solid ground I’ll take that final ride today Honey, why you have to go and write this script And take me along for a ride on your Fantasy Ship My heart is torn My soul is stripped Cause you took me along for a ride On your Fantasy Ship

DIALOGUE. SCROLL DOWN TO SEE THE LYRIC PHOEBE Yeah, some other piece of shit--another pig-- some Haas business major. The fat fuck wanted to work for Google or some shit (beat) he deserved to die…too bad he didn’t… WIGGY Deserved to die? Anyway, aren't you worried that they could charge you with attempted murder? PHOEBE No, so far, they're not linking it to the cookies and I don't think they ever will. WIGGY I thought they're waiting for toxicology reports. PHOEBE Yeah, maybe, but they'll never find anything. WIGGY How do you know? PHOEBE Oh, I don't know, it's just my intuition, I suppose—which, of course, is never wrong. WIGGY Oh? PHOEBE Funny that you should mention toxicology because I was in a study group with this guy who is a chemistry major—this guy is like brilliant—and he was telling me that there was a way you could kill people with arsenic and mask it with cannabis. WIGGY Really? PHOEBE No, man, not really…I was just fucking with you. But I did really poison that guy! WIGGY You did? PHOEBE No, man, just fucking with you, but he did deserve to die—they all deserve to die. Most of the losers here put on airs that they're trying to save the world—they all try to make themselves out to be like they’re fucking Mother Teresa or some shit when really all they really want to do is to get into grad school and make a billion dollars. (beat) And did you know by the time most of us pay off our student debt, the sea levels will be so high that one-sixth of the fucking world population will be at risk of starving to death? My mother, the history teacher, is always talking about how the Russians and JFK almost annihilated the world over that worthless shithole country Cuba. What the fuck do you think is gonna happen when one-sixth of the world's population is starving to death? The funny part about this whole thing is that while the ocean levels keep rising, we won't have any drinking water or even water to irrigate plants with. This world is in one big fucking mess, and anybody who has the luck to die off before 2030 should count her fucking blessings. (Blackout, lights up, PHOEBE and ensemble sing “End of Days”) The sea levels are rising This planet is doomed Population's exploding Soon there won't be no room Glaciers are melting While California's ablaze Can't all of you see The coming end of days? Endless war No one questions why Politicians talk while Innocents die The people won't rise up The movement is just a faze Can't all of you see The coming end of days? This is the end, my friends Can’t you see this is the end? (Instrumental break) The people won't rise up The movement is just a faze Can't all of you see The coming end of days Can’t you see the coming End of days? This is the end, my friends Can’t you see this is the end? WIGGY Wow. (long pause) Anyway, nice meeting you. PHOEBE Sure, man…wish I could say the same.

Hello mom, can I get dad’s new cell phone number? I-I must have misplaced it…–Yes, I know he might be in court…. What do you mean you can’t? …No, mother, I am not taking my meds but I didn’t call to talk about that! (pause) Yes. I know he got another big, high-profile murder case. (pause) Well, you already know what I’m calling about---if you’ve been reading the papers… Look, it’s all a bunch of crap, ; they can’t pin anything on me (pause). Okay, yes, I got charged with some shit about intending to distribute an illegal substance but I need to talk to dad about this, not YOU! Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know it’s a felony. So what? Yeah, mom, no— Yes, I know someone almost died—listen, I really need to talk to dad about this. No, I am not worried. Dad will get me off Scot-free like he always does. Okay, so you call him and ask him to call me. Okay then. Bye. (To herself, under her breath while walking back to sit down) Fucking (under her breath, mouthing the word) cunt. (Blackout, lights up, PHOEBE is downstage center joined by ensemble singing “I Hate You, Mom!”) I hate you, mom! I hate you, mom! I’ve hated you since I was just a runt I hate you, mom! I hate you, mom! You’re a miserable rotten cu-uh-ur-mudgeon Why can’t you be more like daddy? So sweet, so gen’rous, so kind Instead of being such a vicious lowdown witch You’re driving me out of my mind I hate you, mom! I hate you, mom! I’ve hated you since I was just a runt I hate you, mom! I hate you, mom! You’re a miserable rotten…well not exactly the world’s greatest mensch Go preach to your clueless students Instill in them the lessons of history Teach em all about all those endless wars And stay the hell away from me I hate you, mom! I hate you, mom! I’ve hated you since I was just a runt I hate you, mom! I hate you, mom! You’re a miserable rotten cuh-reep! (Blackout, lights up, PHOEBE and WIGGY are seated at the same table)

Dialogue explaining Phoebe's "relationship" with an imaginary Puppet Mistress (Room # 61: It is adorned with one large mural: a somewhat abstract adaptation of the album cover of Bob Dylan’s Highway 61 Revisited. The door remains partially opened, displaying the room number) SKY Have you noticed Phoebe up in Room 72, lately it seems like she is hearing voices— WIGGY You mean up in the room where she goes to do her “meta-physical dance”? SKY Ha! Yes, her metaphysical dance, she does, we all know, have a baccalaureate in Metaphysical Ddance, after all! WIGGY You shouldn’t make fun of her about that. She takes it very seriously, and she is quite good, almost world-class. SKY World-class, my ass! WIGGY Oh man, cut her some slack. Everyone thinks that she just made up this silly major and got L&S to sign off on it so she could get a Cal degree without really earning it. Well, in fact, Metaphysical Dance goes back at least a couple hundred years to the Qatar Dynasty of Iran, or, uh, actually Persia, and Persian dance troupes routinely performed metaphysical dances. SKY Oh come now! WIGGY No, for real man. One of the most popular Persian Metaphysical Dances is one called Golestane Pars, and Phoebe and some other dancers performed it at Zellerbach a few years back. She video-taped it and put it on YouTube and now it’s got almost a million hits. So, no one should make fun of her degree in metaphysical dance. Her work is brilliant, bro. SKY Yes, okay well, yeah but I don’t see it and you really should get over her…but yes, I have been eavesdropping, and apparently, she seems to have—it seems like she has this, this uh, imaginary dance partner that talks to her— WIGGY Oh, ho, you don’t know half of it! SKY Yes? WIGGY Well, not only does she have an imaginary dance partner but it seems that she pictures herself as a marionette. I mean, dude, she dances around with her arms dangling as if she is being controlled by a puppet master --- SKY A puppet master? WIGGY Yes, and she talks to this person who pulls her strings, and she seems to be taking orders from this puppet-master, or more accurately this Puppet Mistress—it’s a woman, of course—and even more chilling—given what the Puppet Mistress is commanding her to do—is that she seems to be intending to carry out all the orders she is given. SKY How do you know all this? WIGGY I placed a hidden camcorder in the room SKY So, uh, what has this puppet-master, er-uh, mistress been telling her to do? WIGGY Well, I don’t know exactly SKY You don’t know? WIGGY Well, you see, Phoebe, of course, is the only one hearing these voices— SKY Oh yes, of course WIGGY So well, you see, I have to sort of divine what the Puppet Mistress is saying based solely upon Phoebe’s responses—but Phoebe often repeats verbatim what the puppeteer says, especially when the Puppet Mistress speaks in quatrains. SKY Quatrains? WIGGY Y’know like Nostradamus? SKY I know what quatrains are! WIGGY Of course but most of the stuff that she repeats in quatrains seems, on the face of it, at least, to be just harmless advice, although I guess they might have hidden meaning. Hold on, I wrote some of this down. (walks over to a mattress and picks up a composition book lying on it, picks up a composition book lying on it, and flips through it.) Oh yes, here it is. The curfew tolls the knell of parting day, The lowing herd wind slowly o'er the— SKY Wait! That’s a famous Thomas Gray quatrain and pretty harmless WIGGY Yes, well, some of them were a bit more foreboding. Trouble is, I only had the chance to write a couple of them down (flips pages) Oh wait, here’s one! There will soon be talk of a treacherous woman, who rules a short time, Quickly raised from low to high estate. She will suddenly turn disloyal and volatile. And then to govern the Bishop’s fate. SKY Jesus Christ! Could they be referring to George Berkeley, the Bishop of Cloyne? WIGGY Maybe so—disloyal and volatile? But doesn’t she already govern Cloyne? The Bishop’s estate? SKY Yes, I guess so maybe that’s not so bad after all. WIGGY Yeah, no, except for the fact, of course, that she is hearing voices in the first place and talking to the voices! SKY Word! Tell me what else you got! WIGGY Well, those were the only two quatrains that I was able to copy down verbatim—remember, I went through hours and hours of video but I heard a lot, and I think I have been able to divine quite a bit and if I am right, some of this other stuff is QUITE disturbing. Of course, I don’t know if I am interpreting what I heard correctly. SKY Just try telling me what you saw and heard verbatim— WIGGY Again, a lot of it just doesn’t make much sense, but at one point, she tells the voice, “If there must be a sacrifice of human flesh, if it is your will Puppet Mistress, it will be done.” SKY Oh, shit and then what? WIGGY Well, that’s all she said that I was able to decipher because right after that, she lights up some sage and daubs the whole room –then she seems to go into a trance, and she starts dancing, gyrating madly and singing and chanting in tongues. SKY In tongues? WIGGY In tongues is the best way I can describe it, although it sounded a bit like a mixture of Portuguese, French, and Vietnamese--- SKY I know all those languages maybe I can decipher— WIGGY (interrupting) No way that you could make much out of it, ; it’s all pretty much gibberish, although it does smack of Portuguese-French-Vietnamese gibberish. Anyway, she sings and gyrates madly for like over twenty minutes, . I mean these really wild gyrations as if she is in another world! SKY Wow! I need to see this, c. Can we see it now? WIGGY No, it’s still on the camera’s hard drive, and I put the camera back in the room SKY Okay so then what? WIGGY So like I said, she does this wild puppet dance for like twenty minutes, then she just passes out and flops to the floor— SKY Okay— WIGGY SoSo, then she’s out just like on the floor for like almost an hour— SKY And then, she gets up or what? WIGGY Well, yes, she, she finally wakes up, then she suddenly rises up as if her whole body is being pulled by strings--- SKY Okay? WIGGY Looking up to the ceiling, she says, “Good Evening, Puppet Mistress, how can I serve you this evening?” SKY Oh my God, she really is nuts! WIGGY And then she asks her imaginary Puppet Mistress, “Puppet Mistress, where did you say that you want this killing done?” SKY Bro, this does not sound good! And she says? WIGGY “I don’t understand Puppet Mistress, Highway 61, isn’t that in Mississippi?” SKY Oh my God! WIGGY Then she says, “” It’s closer than you think, you say? Oh, oh, I get it. Now, I get it!” (Both WIGGY and SKY’s heads turn toward the Highway 61 mural) WIGGY and SKY (in unison) Oh shit! SKY And remember what room number this is? WIGGY and SKY (looking at the partially opened door, in unison) Room sixty-one! Ooooooh FUCK! SKY This is not good. (blackout)

ACT II SCENE ONE Common Space in front of Psychedelic Frogs Band mural WIGGY (playing guitar and singing) Oh, to be up in ole Oleanna That’s where I’d rather be Then way down here in Mississip’ Draggin’ the chains of slavery (PHOEBE ENTERS.) Oh Oleanne’, Ole Oleanne’ Oleanna, that’s where I’d rather be I’d rather be up in Oleanna The place where I was free Then way down here in Mississip’ Bound by these chains of slavery I was once a free man I’d roam from town to town But now I wear the chains of slavery A white man put me down Oh Oleanne’, Ole Oleanne’ Oleanna, that’s where I’d rather be I’d rather be up in Oleanna The place where I was free Then way down here in Mississip’ Bound by these chains of slavery He came one night in darkness I can’t say exactly when Bound me and took me from Oleanne’ Now I may never be free again Oh Oleanne’, Ole Oleanne’ Oleanna, that’s where I’d rather be I’d rather be up in Oleanna The place where I was free Then way down here in Mississip’ Bound by these chains of slavery PHOEBE What the fuck is that supposed to be? WIGGY It’s my new version of an old blues song. Gonna put it up on YouTube! PHOEBE Oleanna? I thought that was a stage play, not a blues song. Anyway, I am sure it will soon be going viral. Didn’t your last video get almost two-hundred hits, Wignuts? (SKY enters) WIGGY Actually almost three hundred, and I have one video that has almost FIVE THOUSAND! PHOEBE Big fucking deal. One of my dance routines has almost a million hits. SKY OhOh, here we go again. Only Phoebe Carp is the talented one. Only Phoebe Carp is the smart one. Only Phoebe Carp is— (WIGGY exits) PHOEBE (interrupting) Yeah, I AM the smart one —and don’t you forget it! And have you read the Daily Cal? They're calling me the ringleader, which of course, I am. SKY Urgh. PHOEBE Yeah, and guess what else (beat) that woman on MSNBC—that Raquel Meadow woman –she wants to interview us, like next week. SKY You mean like that other dyke who thinks she’s so smart? PHOEBE She is smart; she is a fucking Rhodes Scholar. And not only that, she is TOTALLY hot. SKY I don’t know what you see in her. I mean, I think she totally looks like a guy, or at least she used to look like a guy before MSNBC started to doll her up a bit. I thought you liked femmes? PHOEBE Looks like a guy? Are you fucking kidding me? She is like totally hot! Yes, I do like femmes, but I like soft butch, too—and she is the epitome of soft butch. Just how I like them. SKY You like them any way you get them PHOEBE I get my share. (beat) More than my share. SKY Oh, , so now you're like the super stud too — the super-smart-super-stud-ringleader, the YouTube sensation — the cat’s meow (beat) dude, you're like so full of yourself. PHOEBE Can you find something to do, Sylvester? Wiggy is probably lonely — why don't you go entertain him — maybe he will put on his wig and nightie and let you suck his dick. (SKY groans and exits)

He was just a lad, so hale and hardy But he met his fate at a Pirate Party Will no one pray for John Archer? Thought he could get away with shooting some smack in his veins But now his life will never be the same Because no one made the call for John Archer Chorus Yes, it’s so sad He was his mother’s only son But now his life is almost done Because no one called nine one one Yes, it’s just so sad, it is really such a pity No one called for John like no one called for Kitty Yes no one called for Kitty or John Archer Yes no one called 911 Now you could say his life is over You might say his race is run His momma had no means of support So she took the BSCA to court And each night she cries for John Archer I just got the news the other day The poor young lad has now passed away So Tonight I’ll say a prayer for john Archer

I got the 2.0 GPA blues All my financial aid I’m about to lose If I don’t find a way to an easy A I’ll be on the a Grey Dog back to LA I got the 2.0 GPA blues I got the 2.0 GPA blues Ain’t got a clue I’m gonna tell em the news My folks thought I was headed to Harvard law school But they might soon learn they raised a dumb-ass fool I got the 2.0 GPA blues I should have checked out r ate your profesor dot com Because the way my profs grade well it’s just all wrong I know it’s not honest and it might not be wise But I guess I’ll just have to plagiarize I got the 2.0 GPA blues Well, right now I’d be happy with just a B plus If I don’t do somethin Ill be on the next bus Yeah If I don’t find a way to an easy A I’ll be on that Grey Dog back to LA I got the 2.0 GPA blues

Never Really Knew What It Meant to Sing the Blues I thought I’d heard every blues song that Robert Johnson ever done Thought I’d sung every one Thought I knew the true meaning of the blues What it means to lose And truly miss someone But now that you’re gone I realize I didn’t know the meaning of the songs (lights up, joined by chorus and more instrumental accompaniment) I never really knew what it meant to sing the blues. Never really knew what it meant to love and lose Till I lost someone like you The sun is dark, the moon is blue Because they ain’t got you They ain’t got you And though you’re gone I’m still alive And I will survive Somehow I will survive But now that you’re gone I realize I didn’t know the meaning of the songs I never really knew what it meant to sing the blues. Never really knew what it meant to love and lose Till I lost someone like you

CHORUS It’s too late now, too late now We’ve broken all our promises and shattered all of our vows And it’s too late now There was a time when I thought we could make amends But we’re not lovers now, we’re not even good friends Too many unkind words have been spoken Guess it don’t matter much anyhow Because it’s too late now CHORUS As I look back over what could have, what might have been All I see is that wall between us, neither will let the other in All I hear are broken promises, the shattered shards of broken vows And it’s too late now CHORUS